Men and women are more alike in their sex lives than one might think. They both have favorite positions, they both know what does and doesn’t turn them off, and they both have hormones that at times are totally uncontrollable. What might surprise you is that even though men and women often desire different things, they almost always have one fantasy in common: A threesome.

Although women are far less likely to admit of their desire to have a menage a trois, take our word for it, they want it just as bad as men do.

But as history has proved time and time again, threesomes can be tricky. You have the task of finding someone who is willing to participate, figuring out how to have sex with an extra person in the mix (it’s harder than it sounds– it’s almost like losing your virginity all over again), and dealing with the emotional issues that come along with seeing your partner sleep with someone else right in front of you.

If you and your match have been using sites like Sex Search to find an adult to add to your bedroom antics, you’ll need to know the golden rules to handling a third.

Don’t Invite Someone You Know
When you agree to a threesome, it’s natural to start making a list of eligible singles you’re friends with as potentials. If you’re thinking of asking a friend to join, stop before you start. You never know who is all for threesomes and who’s all against them. Asking a friend can not only put them in an awkward situation, but you may be unknowingly putting pressure on them to do something they don’t want to. Sometimes friends find it hard to say no even in the most extreme situations, which can lead to them agreeing to joining the two of you to avoid the guilt of saying no. Not to mention that if you ask them and they say no, the two of you are probably going to be stuck nursing an awkward friendship back to normality.

Find Someone You Feel Confident Next To
Think about how you feel when you’re watching videos of Megan Fox or Ryan Reynolds stripping off the layers. No matter how rockin your bod is, there’s a good chance you still get self-conscious when you compare yourself with someone who is near perfect. Now imagine how you would feel if you were having sex with your partner while standing next to someone with a better body than yourself? When you’re choosing your third, make sure it’s someone you will feel comfortable standing next to, because when it comes down to it, it’s almost a given that you’re going to be comparing yourself to them during the act.

Seduce Someone You’re Attracted To
When most women agree to a threesome, they try to find another girl that they think their husband will enjoy. The problem with that is he’s not the only one that’s going to have to enjoy her– you are, too. No matter if you’re third is someone of the same sex or someone of the opposite, it needs to be someone you’re attracted to. Even if you think your roll in the threesome is going to consist mainly of sticking to your boyfriend, you never know how it’s going to unfold, so finding someone you wouldn’t mind doing sexual things to, and someone who will surly be doing sexual things to you, is key.

Do Your Research!
Like we said before, having a threesome for the first time is much like losing your virginity, but with an extra difficulty element. What do you do while the other two are having sex? Is it your job to keep the third involved when YOU’RE the one having sex, or is it their job to join in on the fun? How much foreplay do you need? When do you know when it’s time to switch partners? Do you really have to put a dick in your mouth after it’s been inside of someone else? Knowing these things before you jump into it is going to make you infinitely more comfortable with what you’re doing.

Don’t Center The New Person Out
It’s like a child with a new toy– They completely forget about their old, faithful toys that are still in their reach. It’s natural to want to reach out to the third person and try new things with them, but giving them too much attention might make them feel like there’s extra pressure on them to perform, and will probably make them uncomfortable. You should always have a 50/50 mindset when having a threesome– Half of your attention to each person involved.

Having a threesome is a fantasy that not all people have the chance to be fulfilled. If you’re going to live out that fantasy, you have to be prepared not only to be pleasured, but to be disappointed as well. Most people build up the experience so much in their head, they don’t think about how nervous they’ll be when the time actually comes, and end up having far less fun than expected. Take these steps into consideration and, most importantly, have fun while doing it!