Open relationships, where a couple are free to see other people while still being committed to each other, are becoming more and more common. Books have been written by people in open relationships claiming that it saves the romance, and every day more people are embracing the idea. But when it comes to finding an adult friend online, is open really the way to go?

Generally open relationships don’t start out ‘open.’ Couples get to a standstill where they realize that they’re having curious feelings towards sleeping with other people, but still want to be with one another. Instead of breaking up, which usually neither party wants to do, or complicating things with cheating, they make a mutual agreement to have sex with other people, but maintain their relationship.

Traditionally people don’t go in seek of an open relationship. When you start off a relationship open, you’re basically saying, “We can date each other, but this won’t be serious and I want free reign to do what I want.” Although it may be difficult to find someone to agree with an open relationship right off the bat, you should be honest about the fact that that’s what you’re looking for.

People using Internet dating sites are usually the ones looking for a serious relationship, and it’s not fair to them to do a bait-and-switch. If you’re going to talk to them as if there’s potential for a real, solid relationship, then you should keep the door open for just that. If you know for a fact that you want to see other people during your relationship with them, it’s only fair that you let them know so they have the decision to continue investing time and feelings into your courtship or not.

While open relationships are becoming more common, they’re still not accepted by everyone. Do the people you’re dating a favor and let them know that’s what you’re looking for! All’s fair in love and war, but you may as well avoid the war if you can.