SexSearch.com

At Sex Search, we get a lot of reader e-mails asking for help with their relationship troubles, and we’ve started to see a surprising trend: People seem to be having trouble with clingers and people who play hard-to-get, two personality types that may seem like polar opposites, but that have a lot more in common than you’d think.

When you break down an adult relationship, there are 4 main categories you can fit it under: Chemistry, compatibility, attraction, and availability. The first three you develop over time, but your partner’s availability is something that will be evident from the start, and it will likely set the tone of a relationship.

People who play hard to get

• They’re more likely to need attention
  ‘Hard to get’ is code for ‘I need you to chase me so I can have confidence.’ Although it may seem from the outside like someone is playing hard to get because they feel like they’re worth the wait, the reality of the situation is usually that the person lacks self confidence and needs that attention to feel good about themselves. Instead of wasting your time chasing them for months on end, take the time to tell them how you feel. By simply saying that you’re interested and if they are as well you’d love to see where it goes, you’ll be putting the ball in their court, which is what they would have been looking for in the first place. Being honest always gets you far!
• They want to feel wanted
  When you finally do catch yourself someone who plays hard to get, the relationship maintenance is usually higher than one would prefer. If you find them distancing themselves from the relationship, it’s most likely because they’re feeling unwanted. Paying a little more time being affectionate can be the difference between a happy relationship and a helpless one.

People who cling to you

• You’ll most likely feel pressured
  When you’re in a relationship with a clinger, they’re going to go from a little clingy to you’ll-need-to-gasp-for-air. If you decide to start a relationship with someone who shows clinger tendencies from the get-go (IE- calling too often, getting angry when you don’t make time to hang out with them, gets jealous easily, etc), you need to set some ground rules. Be honest about the fact the two of you are going to need space to make the relationship work, but don’t be harsh about it. People are clingy because they most likely have abandonment issues, and you don’t want to make that worse by cutting some of the strings. Simply tell them you’d be happy having your own lives, as well as your life together. That way you can both have your time apart and you won’t feel as suffocated when you’re together.
• If you love someone, set them free…
  People turn to clinging because they don’t want to lose you, but it might be good for them to get the chance to see that you’re not going anywhere! If you’re with a clinger, suggest that you take a week off where you don’t interact at all. That way when the two of you reunite, they’ll get to see that they don’t need to be with you every second for you to still have strong feelings about them.

When you break it down, both clingers and people who play hard to get are that way because they’re insecure. Show them they have nothing to worry about and you’ll break their ways in no time!