Am I Cheating If I Have Sex With Someone Of The Same Sex?

We dive into all of the variables to consider if you are trying to figure out if having sex with someone of the same sex is cheating!

Sometimes our relationship questions and answers are fairly clear cut with very black and white answers. Other times they can be more complicated and end up with a lot of grey areas and "it depends" answers. We don't like "it depends" answers as much as the next person, but sometimes they are necessary. And this is exactly one of those times! For anyone wondering if it is still considered cheating if they have sex with someone of the same sex, we are here to tell you: it depends.

What The General Population Thinks

This is a question that many sex education scientists have attempted to answer. In order to get a sense of what the general population thinks, they conducted a large-scale poll and asked people the exact question: is it considered cheating if I have sex with someone of the same sex? These were the results: 10% said "absolutely not," 66% said "yes of course," and 24% said it was a grey area and depended. We were honestly surprised at how high the "grey area" numbers were! That implies that there are a healthy amount of couples out there who have made special considerations in their relationships. Of course, we weren't surprised that over half of the people polled think it is definitely cheating. This lines up fairly well with the perception that any sort of sexual encounter with someone who is not your partner is cheating.

Your Relationship Status Also Matters

Just like how you define "cheating," what your relationship status is also matters and also plays into the definition of cheating. Generally speaking, the more serious a relationship is, the less likely it will be okay for you to engage in sexual, or even emotional, encounters with other people. Are you single?

If you are single, guess what: you can't ever be cheating! At least, that is, you can't ever be cheating on another person. This is why we think that if you are wanting to explore sexy times with members of both the opposite sex and same sex, it's best to do it when you're single. Then you don't have to worry about potential hurt feelings or upsets and likely nobody is ever going to accuse you of cheating. Of course, the one thing you do have to worry about is if you are cheating on yourself. And what we mean by that is, if you are worried about being true to yourself or gender. However, we will get more into that below! Are you dating?

If you are simply dating someone, you may have more room to explore other sexual opportunities with other people. Perhaps you are keeping things casual and seeing multiple people, or perhaps you're in an open sort of dating relationship. Regardless, this is usually the best sort of relationship to be in where having sex with someone of the same sex likely won't be considered cheating. There is also a bigger possibility that you could explore sexual encounters with someone of the same sex and not have it be seen as cheating because the relationship is newer or more casual. This means there isn't as much emotion attached and you perhaps aren't as close to the other person. Are you in a serious relationship?

If you are in a serious relationship, chances are it may be harder for you to explore other sexual relationships. More often than not, relationships are exclusive, meaning you only engage in sex with your long-term partner. Of course there are always exceptions to this! As the poll above indicated, there are still some people that don't view having sex with a same sex partner as "cheating" so you may luck out in your long-term partner feeling the same way. The one nice thing about being in a long-term relationship is there is more room for open discussion and honest discourse. What we mean by that is if exploring same sex sexual encounters is important to you, there is a chance you can explain that to your partner and they will understand. Are you married?

If you are married, it may be the hardest of all to engage in having same-sex sex. The is because marriage is often seen as the end-all be-all and you are meant to only stay focused on your partner. Of course, like we mentioned above there are always exceptions to this. Perhaps your partner is into a more open style relationship and is willing to allow you to explore. Of course, that means you should more than willing to let them explore too!

The bottom line here is that whether or not you are "cheating" really depends on where you are in your own personal relationship. And you may be tempted to keep your extra sexual activities to yourself but we highly recommend against that! After all, honesty is the best policy. And beside, it's worse to lie to your partner. If they find out you lied, they will feel even more betrayed and broken up, which is not what you want at all. The best thing that you can do is be open and honest.

Was It A One Time Thing?

Just like the prior question, asking yourself if it was a one time thing also lends to how serious the sex was. If you are just hooking up with people and you don't make them any part of your life, it could be easier for your partner to not consider it cheating. And, of course, it could be easier for you not to think of it as cheating either. This goes back to the original definition of cheating, too. Because what is cheating to one person or couple might not be cheating to another person or couple.

Are You Happy In Your Opposite Sex Relationship?

This is a really important question to answer. If you are happy in your opposite-sex relationship and are just wanting to explore or have some fun, that is one thing. However, if you are unhappy and are using an opposite sex hookup as a way to feel better, that could be detrimental to your personal and emotional health. Above all, make sure you are exploring your sexuality for all the right reasons: positive reasons!

You Could Be Gay And That's Okay!

There is also a big possibility that you could be gay and trying to avoid labelling yourself as such. If you find yourself consistently attracted to members of the same sex and always wanting to engage in same-sex hookups, it may be a good time to think about why. This is not something to be taken lightly, of course, and can be difficult to come to terms with sometimes. We are here to say that no matter what your orientation and who you find sexually attractive, you deserve both love and sexy hookups.

Your Partner's Feelings Matter Too

We've been talking all about you and your feelings and desires. It's important not to forget about your partner's either! Whether you're married or just in a relationship, their feelings are valid and should be considered too. Of course if you are in a relationship, it means you care about the other person and want them to be happy too. This is even more of a reason to make sure you are considering your partner in all of this!