We sometimes have a hard enough time just keeping our e-mail inbox under control and replied to, so in a world where online dating now plays such a huge part in our sex lives, how do we also manage our dating site inboxes, and all of the politics and expectations that come with them? This is a very different situation depending on your gender of course. Men should count themselves as blessed, and if they ever saw what a woman's inbox looks like, they would probably send a lot fewer messages than they do.

Knowing that women's inboxes are far busier than those of their male counterparts, we understand that men have more time to reply to messages, and women have less time to reply to messages. So if you're exchanging messages with a woman, be considerate of their time, and don't wait until you've exchanged more than 20-30 messages (less if you've written any essay-length messages) with them before seeing if they'd like to go on a date. If they say that they'd rather not, or that they want to exchange messages for longer first, then that's fine. If you're sending messages to a man, you're typically going to be fine sending as many messages as you want, and when the moment feels right for one of you, you can make a date. It's also largely dependent on the quality of messages versus quantity. 1 quality message that makes someone think you're genuinely interesting or funny is better than 10 conversational messages with lots of questions that are only meant to get a reply back.

Those of course aren't the only answers to the question. Online courting can be a daunting task, but never fear. Sexsearch will help you know how many online dating messages you should exchange before making an actual date with someone in the real world. Read on as we examine the topic further.

Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, "Since brevity is the soul of wit, and tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief..." and while there is certainly an argument to be made about whether or not he's right; there's no arguing the fact that it applies to the message sending period of online dating. We've all been there. Maybe we're even guilty of being both parties. Things seem to be going well, and you're being responsive to someone's messages. You think they're funny, and they just can't get enough of your approval, so they keep sending you messages. Eventually it seems like they're spending too much time in drafting these messages, and you begin to get bored by them. What were once one or two line messages that provided a quick laugh, become longwinded and far too frequent interruptions. You begin rolling your eyes every time your phone beeps; dreading what the person has to say now. You start sending back one word replies but they don't get the hint, and send you 200 words for every 2 that you send.

We don't encourage playing too many games when it comes to online dating but this is definitely a situation where you should be playing it cool. Don't treat online dating messages as though you're having conversation over drinks that covers a wide array of topics. Be sure to not waste your potential date's time by asking questions that they've already provided the answers to in their profiles. Include two or three questions in your first message, to encourage conversation, and to condense the number of messages that you'll exchange. 2 messages exchanged to answer 3 questions is preferred to 6 messages to answer those same 3 questions.

Are you familiar with mirroring? Where it's been discovered that people are much more at ease with people subconsciously when they mirror their actions? If your date takes a drink, and you do too, etc. it gives a subtle message that you're on similar wavelengths. The same can (and should) be done with online dating messages. Take cues from the length of the replies you receive. If you get a 2 line reply, don't volley back a message that is going to take a minute to read.

Have you ever had a text exchange with a friend that takes a million times longer than it would have if you'd just picked up the phone and spoken? That's sort of what online dating messages can feel like sometimes, when one party would rather continue asking questions through messages than set up a date. Sometimes it's a matter of anxiety, and the person feels more comfortable at their computer. They have more time to come up with witty replies to their messages, and they can do it all in the comfort of their own home. However, there comes a point where one party will ultimately become tired of how long the back and forth is going for without being asked to go out on a date, where a conversation that's been spread across 3 days could have been had in a half hour. If you want to make a date with someone, and you've had a couple good exchanges, it's in your best interest to try and make a date before your charm wears of.

Unless you're in your dating site's casual encounters section, and it's clear that what you're looking for is just sex, you should keep your pics PG. One of the biggest complaints from women who use online dating sites is that they're frequently sent pictures of genitals that they did not ask for. If you're particularly proud of your private parts, that's fantastic. I'm sure that if you and the person you're messaging end up going out on a date and it goes well, they will very much be interested in seeing them. Until then though, unless requested, keep it in your pants. You've learned by now that the number of messages that you should exchange before making a date are limited, so don't waste one of them with an unwanted nude. They are more often than not result in you being blocked by the person you've been messaging with, and this question of what the perfect number of messages will have become moot.

Back in the day before computers or text messages, people would wait by their phone, waiting for the cute boy or girl in school that they liked to call them and ask them if they wanted to go to prom, or to see a movie at the drive-in. It's always depicted as a sad and stressful situation for the person who's waiting, and they're often startled by the call, and the first words out of their mouths when they pick it up are gibberish that makes it very difficult for them to keep their cool. The same thing can happen if you're sitting around waiting for a reply to your message, and you jump at the chance to reply as soon as possible. First, your potential date is going to see that you were just sitting there waiting when the "seen" icon pops up a second later, and secondly, as soon as you hit send, you're probably going to wish that you'd waited a little longer because you've thought of a better joke, or noticed a typo in your reply.

Your rapid fire reply now puts a most likely unwanted pressure on the other person to reply right away. They could be doing something else though, and you should really just be happy that they send you a reply ever few hours. Nobody wants to be out having dinner with friends or family, and have their phone blowing up with online dating messages. Dating site messages aren't text messages, and they most certainly aren't chat rooms. Speaking of which...

If you read the paragraph on keeping the amount of time spent exchanging messages to a minimum, and thought that online chat could be the solution to the problem, we assure you it isn't. While you'll certainly exchange more information within a shorter period of time, if you hit it off and end up chatting into the wee hours of the night, that's a lot of wasted time that you could have been spending together, face to face with drinks in your hand, ACTUALLY ENJOYING each other's company, rather than sitting at home, staring at your laptop screen.

There could be a very small number of exceptions made for video chat if the person that you're messaging has a rule that they don't go out on dates with people that they haven't video chatted with first. This is a pretty smart way to almost have a quick "coffee date" that can have a hard out because you tell the person you have plans in 20 or 30 minutes, so it'll have to be brief.

You should have a pretty good idea of whether or not you might want to go on a date with a person after exchanging a handful of messages. Both your time, and the time of the person you're messaging are important. So don't waste either of them. If you're not loving the replies that you're receiving, and feel unmotivated to send messages back the other way, it's a pretty good sign that this isn't going to work out. Politely tell the person that it's been nice messaging with them, but you don't think that you're feeling the vibe. Wish them good luck in their search for romance, and move onto your next potential date. Nobody's feelings are going to be hurt too badly (if at all). Casting a wide net is the name of the online dating game, and feelings shouldn't be involved before at least a first date has occurred.

It doesn't matter if you've exchanged 3 messages or 20 messages. If you feel like there's a genuine spark going on in your conversation, that is always the best time to propose making a date. There isn't really a perfect number to send; only a vibe. There are lots of different ways to phrase the date request, and I think that that might be more important than the number of messages that you send before asking. If it's after a lot of messages, you can just say "I'm really enjoying messaging with you. Do you want to go out tonight or tomorrow (or whenever you're free)?" If you've only exchanged a handful of messages, but have already got a few 'LOL's in return, it's worth taking the chance and asking prematurely. Even if you haven't experienced it, tell them that you find talking over messages like this a bit of an awkward way to get to know someone, but that you feel like you'd really like to grab a drink or dinner with them sometime soon. If they want to send more messages before setting up the date, no big deal. You can just do that. They're not going to run off scared though; which you know because of the positive response you got in your early messages. Just keep the messages on simmer for a bit, and when you think they might be ready to go out with you, hit them some of that good material that got you those 'LOL's early on. We find that this will typically happen somewhere around the 20-30 messages range if you've spaced out your messages properly like we've suggested.

It's really not the number of messages though. It's a combination of pace, and QUALITY ONLINE DATING MESSAGES that illicit positive response. So brush up on your wit, and remember what the soul of wit is.

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